Myrtle Rising

A Short Yet Powerful Tefillah for Our Children

10/8/2026

Tefillat Chana Hashalem

Maybe you know the following prayer already, but if not, it's a very powerful one from which people have seen wonderful results.

And it's never too late!

It's from the prayer collection called Tefillat Chana Hashalem.

It is one of the many prayers you can say after lighting Shabbat candles (pg. 17), but you can also insert it at the end of Shemoneh Esrei or after giving tzedakah – or just say it on its own.

Compassionate Father, may You grant me sons and daughters who keep Torah and mitzvot. And help me to provide them with God-fearing teachers, guides, and educators who give education in the way of the Torah and the tradition. Amen.

Av Harachaman, zakeni b'vanim u'vanot shomrei Torah u'mitzvot. V'azreni l'hamtzi lehem melamdim, madrichim, u'mechanim yirei Hashem hanotnim chinuch b'derech haTorah v'hamsorah. Amen.

אב הרחמן. זכני בבנים ובנות שומרי תורה ומצות
ועזרני להמציא להם מלמדים, מדריכים, ומחנכים יראי השם הנותנים חינוך בדרך התורה והמסורה. אמן

And certainly, you can feel free to change the words to melamdot, madrichot, and mechanchot if you're dealing with Girl World.

And just so we know really know what we're saying, the Malbim defines the following:

melamed (teacher): One who teaches those who don't know

madrich (guide): One who teaches those who are unable

mechanech (educator): One who habituates them little by little

May the above tefillah be answered l'tovah for all our precious children.

Rav Ovadia Yosef ztz"l with cute Yemenite children

For more chizuk, please see here:

How Praying for Your Child Can Work

The 27th of Av: The Yahrtzeit of Rav Yehudah Petiyah

10/8/2026

Rav Yehudah Petiyah

The 27th of Av is the yahrtzeit of Rav Yehudah Petiyah.

Note:
You'll notice his surname spelled differently throughout different articles. My sons asked his direct descendants (who share the same surname) and they said it's pronounced PEH-TIY(pronounced as "tie")-AH. Arabic lacks the "p" sound, so the surname in Arabic countries was pronounced by the locals as "f".

A student of the illustrious Ben Ish Chai, Rav Yehudah Petiyah was born in Iraq in 1859 and passed away in Yerushalayim in 5702/1942.

In addition to his powerful mind, Torah knowledge, and holiness, he was also a profoundly loving person who cared for and sincerely strove to heal even the worst souls.

You can find all the posts on this blog connected to him and his book here:
Minchat Yehudah.

Here's the Story of Creation according to Rav Yehudah Petiyah:
Genesis and The Big Squish: The Discovery of How the Universe Developed from a Giant Womb, and Not a Wild Fireworks Display

Here's how an epidemic operates on the metaphysical level:
How Rav Yehudah Petiyah Stopped the Plague of Baghdad in 1915, and What the Destroyer Angels Revealed to Him

And just in time for Elul, please read here about the wonderful positive power of teshuvah to heal even the worst sins:
Minchat Yehudah Part I: Teshuvah and What Happens After You Die

And here's Rav Petiyah's special holy insight into the awesome power wielded by sincere Jewish women:

If you have access to any of Rav Petiyah's books, you can learn l'ilui nishmat Rav Yehudah ben Moshe.

And light a candle for him too.

May his merit please protect us!

For more about this holy Sage, please see:
Hidden Tzaddikim - Rav Yehudah Petiyah
In that link, you'll discover how Rav Petiyah tried to stop the Holocaust. He only managed to stop the Nazis around the Sephardi countries – though not completely, because the Nazis managed to infiltrate them somewhat.

He tried so hard to expand the protective "circle" around all of Europe, but Hashem did not allow it.

How to Really Love Another Person

9/8/2026

As usual, it's important to pay attention to the words of a true tzaddik.

They say things we find familiar, but with a deeper twist then what we're used to hearing.

For example, Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender (one of the leaders of Breslov Chassidus in the previous generation, who displayed mind-boggling self-sacrifice for Jews of all stripes) discusses a well-known idea from Likutei Moharan 292: "Di velt ker zich farvundering oif di ahavah vus is da tsuvishen meina mentchen - The world will be astonished over the love among my people." [Words of Faith, Vol. I, pgs. 382-383]

(Note: I am not a Breslover or chassidish at all – just a big admirer and beneficiary of the Breslov path.)

Certainly, among Breslovers who've truly managed to internalize the principles of Breslov, this love is true.

Their genuine appreciation of each other and lack of envy or competition is beautiful to see.

But then Rav Bender adds:

"This matter comes to actuality only when one does not know in detail what is happening by another.

He just strengthens and fortifies his friend and not more."

See? In 2 sentences, Rav Bender just explained how to achieve this great love.

And it's the opposite of what many (including myself before reading this) assume.

How to Avoid "Killing" Your Friend

This blog has already featured several posts discussing Rav Bender's view on true friendship and how to really help any friend.

Although deeply sympathetic toward the impulse to pour one's heart out to another, Rav Bender opposed this indulgence – mostly out of concern for the outpourer.

He observed that hardly anyone today can properly hear and respond to such an outpouring, expressing concern about how it could even harm the outpourer (who already struggles with emotional pain – and has now made himself even more vulnerable).

Rav Bender cautions against showing a person any kind of distancing - something which could instinctively occur on the part of listener if the listener unexpectedly hears something that they aren't sure how to handle.

This happens a lot.

I've been on both sides of it and it proves very difficult to control an instinctive facial expression that unexpectedly flashes across your face when the other person says something unexpected (or unexpectedly and unwittingly triggering for you personally).

A lot of people express pain after a friend, spouse, advisor, or therapist responded (usually unwittingly) in a way that made the speaker feel rejected or shamed on some level.

As Rav Bender stresses on page 384:

"For at times, it is possible to kill someone through a sign of wrath, anger, or insult."

And if you've ever had someone respond to you all wrong after you've made yourself vulnerable, then you know exactly what he means "to kill someone" with the wrong response.

(People usually don't mean to respond badly, but simply don't realize the harm of their response. They may even think they're giving you what you need, telling you the "truth" about yourself, and simply laying all the cards on the table, etc.)

Don't Dig for Defects

Rav Bender discourages us from inquiring after another's iniquities and defects, referring to it as "digging" for another's wound, which paints the off-putting picture of picking at a scab.

Or a parasite searching for a wound to leech off of.

He receives this guidance from several sources (Words of Faith, Vol I, pgs. 371-374):

"The Gemara calls one who publicizes his sins 'brazen': 'I consider brazen the one who declares his sins.' This is learned from the verse: 'Fortunate is one who covers his sin'." (Tehillim 32:1)

"The Tana says in a mishnah in Avos: 'Do not strive to see someone at the time of his downfall.' [Avot 4:23] This is a directive for each individual."

"It is brought in the holy Zohar that one who merits to be judged by Hakadosh Baruch Hu Himself comes out innocent in court." [Zohar Pinchas 231a, 309a]

Yet who merits to be judged by Hashem Himself?

"One who confesses before Hashem Yisbarach.

One who tells before Him his whole heart and all that passes over him, including his sins.

And – as understood – from amidst deep regret.

Such a person merits to the fortune that his judge is Hakadosh Baruch Hu: the Merciful Father Himself."

[Words of Faith, Vol I, pg. 372]

Using Tanach as his guide, Rav Bender (pg. 372) gleans positive advice to encourage others from Yeshayahu 41:6:

"Man shall help his comrade and say to his brother: 'Chazak! – Be strong!' "

Contrary to pop psychology today, Rav Bender saw the best way to help others was to focus on their good points without digging for their defects and to allow oneself to be influenced by another's good points, describing it as "shining light" on one another.

He believed in the importance of giving others chizuk, fortifying them emotionally and offering encouragement and support.

But not to "dig" for "wounds."

Not to go sniffing around for the defects and sins of others.

Heart-to-Heart Boundaries

As I've written here before, this was a big smack between the eyes for me because I used to LOVE those late-night heart-to-heart bonding talks with a good friend.

So geshmak!

And I thought a truly caring person listened to others' outpourings.

(Okay, yes, you can listen to others. Rav Bender gives examples of doing so. But without probing deeper, just listening. And even then, the listening/outpouring needs healthy boundaries so that you don't accidentally "kill" the other person.)

Yet even before I read the above, Hashem already started to show me the downside of pouring out one's heart too much to another person.

I just never realized what I was seeing and experiencing before reading the above.

Before discovering Rav Bender's explanation, I lacked a way to frame my experiences.

Having said all that, it's admittedly very difficult at times to pour your heart out to Hashem and not another person.

You simply crave the interaction with another person, hoping for the tangible comfort it can bring.

And sometimes you do feel so much better, but sometimes you feel worse.

And even the feeling of being absolved and comforted is deceptive because only Hashem can absolve and cleanse you.

So yes, there is room for confiding in others, but with beneficial boundaries in place.

Do's & Don'ts

So to sum up (including Rav Bender advice mentioned in previous posts):

Don'ts:

Try not to see another's defects, sins, or bad points.

Don't "dig" for another's sins and defects. Don't probe.

Don't pour out your heart to others; don't make another person into your confessor.

(Again, Rav Bender means this for your own good. He expresses a lot of concern about the listener unwittingly hurting you by his or her response.)

While it's a big mitzvah to prevent another from sinning, if you can't stop them, then at least try to not see them in their moment of downfall.

Don't show any kind of distancing (rejection).

(I think that means in the heat of the moment of outpouring, because while Rav Bender and other tzaddikim allowed sinners to daven in their shul, they didn't associate with them; in other words, they did display a certain distance without rejecting them outright. So I think he means that when someone gushes his issues to you, try your best not to look taken aback or horrified or run off.)

Note: Keeping your indiscretions & defects private isn't the same as acting like a big fake.

You know you're flawed; you don't pretend you're a big tzaddik.

But you just don't have to flesh it all out for everyone to see, hear, and smell in all its gory detail.

That's all.

Do's:

Tell everything to Hashem. EVERYTHING, no matter how shameful or icky.

Pour out your flaws, sins, defects, mistakes, bumbles to Hashem because this makes Him into your personal Judge and ensures a verdict of innocence in the spiritual court.

It's really good to talk to the right kind of person (AKA sichat chaverim), but keep in mind that you're looking for chizuk and cheering-up from that person, and not much more than that.

Encourage your friend with soul-restoring words.

Give good chizuk.

Try to cheer up and uplift your friend.

Provide encouraging words.

Engage in words of Torah.

Help your friend practically, if possible (maybe doing practical favors, like loans or babysitting).

Seek his or her good points.

Allow the other person to shine their soul-light on you.

May Hashem help us all do the right thing at all times.

The Beautiful, Reassuring, and Encouraging Idea Found in Yehoshua 55

8/8/2026

We hear the verse in Yehoshua 55 quoted from time to time ("My thoughts are not your thoughts and your ways are not My ways") – usually within the context of explaining why we can't fathom Hashem's decisions regarding us personally and the world at large.

(It's also the Haftarah for Parshat Re'eh.)

But intriguingly, Rashi, Metzudat David, Radak, Malbim, and others interpret the verses of Yehoshua 55:7- 9 as powerful and repeated reassurance and encouragement for us to do teshuvah.

Their interpretation shows how people simply project their own flawed character onto Hashem.

For example, when one person rebels against the authority of another (betrayal or all sorts of other harmful actions, especially if they do so consistently and energetically), most people won't forgive.

As Jewish values spread throughout the world over the past 2000 years, albeit in the warped garbs of Notzrut and Islam, people gained familiarity and even respect for the virtue of forgiveness (at least in theory).

But forgiveness is not innate to human beings.

The pain, the offense, the humiliation, and betrayal often prove too much for human nature to overcome without Divine promises, exhortations, reassurance, and encouragement – as liberally doused through the entire Torah.

Lucky us!

So let's take a look at what the Metzudat David writes for those verses:

A rasha will leave his bad path and a man of all-consuming uncontrolled sinning will leave his thoughts and will do teshuvah to Hashem – and He will have mercy on him.

And he will return to our God and there is hope that He will generously forgive.

For My Thoughts are not like your thoughts – for you think that teshuvah will not work for you.

But My Heart does not reckon that way.

And your ways are not My Ways – it is the way of flesh and blood to punish whoever rebels against him; and teshuvah and appeasement don't help.

But My Way isn't like that.

As the heavens are higher than the earth, My Ways are vastly higher than your ways because it is the way of flesh and blood to never forgive everything completely.

But My Way is to forgive everything completely.

And My Thoughts [are higher than] your thoughts – you think that teshuvah doesn't help at all.

But My Thought is that it helps a very great deal.

What a Relief that Hashem is So Much Different and Greater Than Us

Many of us suffer from a lifetime of encounters with people who hold petty grudges against us no matter how much we apologize and attempt to patch things up.

People who "punish" punitively or overreact.

People who express their displeasure with us (even when we had no idea) via petty acts of revenge.

Or we see in ourselves how angry, betrayed, and distrusting we feel, how hard we find it to forgive others.

Sometimes, even many times, we managed to forgive just fine, especially if they other person makes some attempt to apologize or make amends.

But if they did something extremely bad and harmful, or a terrible betrayal, we might understandably find it impossible to forgive them (or forgive them completely) – even if they apologize and even if they truly regret their action.

But Hashem isn't like that. Not at all!

When we truly feel regret – and even, says the Malbim, when we only mend our ways solely out of fear of punishment and not because we regret the sin so much – Hashem still forgives. He has mercy and compassion on us.

Our skeptism of Hashem's Love for us derives from the flaws within us, the flaws and flawed thinking we tend to project onto Him.

Hashem remains different and much higher than us.

He loves us and feels mercy upon us more than we could ever imagine.

And He truly can forgive us completely for any teshuvah we do at all.

How to Use Joy for Self-Improvement

7/8/2026

(Emphases throughout the article are mine – Myrtle Rising)

"Constant Search has to be Coupled with Constant Joy"

Thus says Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender in Words of Faith, Vol. 1 pages 410-412

He states that the following two commands must be performed simultaneously:

“Seek His Face constantly”
“It is a great mitzvah to always be happy”

The Rav advises:

"The best solution to keep the quest going without getting weary is to have a heart filled with happiness and hope."

Rav Bender himself lived under terrifying Communist pursuit with his life constantly in danger at times. (Or at least, under the constant threat of being sent off to a slow and grueling anonymous death in Siberia.)

And he’s very honest and open about his feelings.

He endured personal moments of sheer terror.

Yet he emphasizes the constant seeking of connection with Hashem accompanied by a happy heart.

Believe me, he wasn't chuckling or doing the Irish jig when he was brought to KGB interrogation where they talked about shooting the Rav and his friend with the casualness of shooting a beer bottle.

Yet he emphasizes the importance of being happy in connecting with Hashem and scrutinizing yourself for self-improvement and repentance.

Rav Bender says:

"If one looks without joy, he is prone to stop looking.
For he will always harbor thoughts that maybe he is not finding enough in his search."

And true enough, you can always find someone – including yourself – to put you down about any spiritual efforts you struggle to make.

"Not only will he not find, he will lose what he already found.
For small-mindedness discourages a person and brings detrimental thoughts…such a thought pattern is very bad when a person is busy looking for what he has not yet attained."

You need to bring yourself to happy heights in order to plumb your dreary depths.

"Go with a happy heart when looking for Hashem. The fruit of the search…lifts you higher and higher. You will certainly not fall back and lose what you already found…"

It brings to mind the image of a person whistling a happy tune as they search for Hashem, doesn't it?

A Happy Mind is a Disciplined Mind

In Likutei Moharan II:10, Rebbe Nachman states:

“To come to peace of mind [yishuv hadaat] is through joy.
Because joy is mental freedom.
But through depression it is impossible to run the brain as you wish.
It is hard to settle the mind.
But through joy, one can settle the mind and run it the way he wants since the mind is free and not in exile.”

Coming from American culture, this amazes me.

I always associated joy or a happy heart with giddiness and frivolity.

It always seemed like being happy makes you crazier and more impetuous while being very solemn and even grave grants you a balanced mind and better decision-making.

In fact, we even refer to deep thoughts with the slang, “heavy.” If something is very profound, we say, “Whoa, that’s pretty heavy.”

There’s a sense of being weighed down with all that deliberation and contemplation.

And of course, a happy-hearted person can still possess a serious countenance. But he or she is not depressed or sad. They’re just taking their responsibilities seriously, that’s all.

One of the things I’ve been learning from reading Chazal is to reframe my understanding of happiness.

When Judaism talks about joy and happiness, it means real joy and not the fake giddy frivolous merriment I’ve been seeing most of my life.

Happiness that comes from mockery, secular comedy, or emptiness is leitzanut. This is disconnected from Hashem and leads to lightheadness or recklessness or a mind-numbing “high.”

Real joy is connected to Hashem and leads to all the good things Rav Bender describes here.

From reading classic Torah sources, I’m learning about genuine joy and not its giddy shadow.

Rav Bender says:

"For example, I now want to speak to Hashem Yisbarach about a certain holy thought. Let us say nullifying a certain negative trait, such a pride and the like. In order to do this properly, it is necessary to bind mind to idea.

"This is done through joy. Because joy is the world of freedom.
The mind is liberated and you can control it.
But when it is not happy, thoughts do not stick…
Happiness is the most effective solution to attain freedom and peace of mind."

This is incredible. In order to control the mind, you first have to set it free?

Yes, apparently so!

Once again, we see how Judaism embraces the very real paradoxes that Hashem established within the world.

But how does one achieve happiness? By means of the amazing advice in the lesson Azamra L’Elokai B’Odi (Likutei Moharan 282):

To seek and FIND in myself good points.

Through this, the mind is elevated.

Eureka! I mean – Azamra!

You mean, doing something ordinarily considered gaavadik is actually good for you?

Well…as always, it depends on your motivation.

Understood superficially, this sounds like all the self-affirmation and self-esteem building stuff advocated by psychology.

We’re back to the the old “Love yourself and everything will be dandy!” method again.

But it's much deeper and more real than that.

"Thought is in my hand to use for doing the will of the Creator. To seek Him in every place, to draw close and cleave to Him."

No pop psychology here! Again, it’s all in the motivation.

Why are you seeking out your own self-fabulousness?

In order to work on the not-so-fabulous parts of you.

You are using your acknowledgement of your good points for Hashem, to bond with Hashem and to enable yourself to perform a genuine cheshbon hanefesh and perfect yourself as much as humanly possible.

This goes far beyond the psychology of “love yourself so that you can love others” or "Be happy and then you'll be a nice person."

It’s "love yourself so that you can love Hashem" because your self and your positive attributes come from Hashem. He’s part of you and you are part of Him.

Your negative attributes also come from Him, by the way. So self-hatred and self-recrimination are not part of cheshbon hanefesh or Jewish teshuvah.

(Regret is good. Recrimination is bad.)

Summary of the Main Points

So in order to strengthen yourself for cheshbon hanefesh to do teshuvah:

Work yourself up into a good mood as best you can; cultivate a happy heart.

Seek out the good points in yourself and actually find them.

While in this state, look out what you need to improve in yourself. (You can use your children’s undesirable behavior or someone's hurtful comment for clues. Ask Hashem to guide you in this. After all, He gave you those hints, so feel free to pester Him to enlighten you!)

Do each step with Hashem. All of this needs to be done with Hashem.

Again, it's important to be happy.

This does not mean you think your negative points are cute or funny, as people often imply when they joke about their penchant for snipey comments or coarse behavior.

"Funny" and "cute" aren't joyful or happy.

You're happy that in addition to being snipey or coarse, you also cook meals for the sick and you have a soft spot for elderly people.

And you are happy that you are willing and able to regret your snipeyness or coarseness because the ability and willingness to do teshuvah are great middot!

Example:
1) Admit to Hashem that you've been snipey.

2) Regret it. (And feel happy about the fact that you are able to regret it.)

3) Take upon yourself to cease and desist with the "sur m'ra v'aseh tov" ("turn from evil and do good") method: "Instead of using my quick tongue to slice through people, I will now use it to build people."

4) Think of to whom and how you need to apologize: "Shira, I feel that I've said things in the past that were inappropriate and hurtful, and I'm very sorry. You have many admirable qualities and I was wrong to ever insinuate otherwise. I truly regret my hurtful and inappropriate behavior, and have resolved to work on this bad middah. If there is any further way I can make amends, I hope you will feel free to discuss it with me."

May we all merit to do full teshuvah from love.

A Couple of Reasons Why God Makes You Wait

6/8/2026

For a long time, I didn't quite understand the concept of Hashem refraining from fulfilling your request in order to increase your yearning or to test your sincerity (the test being for you, not for Him).

Then at one point, I decided to replace my somewhat modest skirts with truly modest skirts.

The truly modest skirts made me look a bit weightier, but otherwise they were nice-looking. And most importantly of all, they fulfilled halachic requirements.

So they were nice-looking skirts, but I figured that effect was just part of sacrificing for a mitzvah and even good for me (because I needed to choose halacha over the shifting definitions of beauty.)

Yet a couple of days after this not-cheap self-sacrificing purchase, I noticed that one of the zippers on the new skirt had already busted.

Because it was in the back, I'd been walking around with an open zipper without even knowing it. (It wasn't so bad because I wear long shirts, but the thought of it bothered me.)

Of course, my mind briefly and instinctively hopped to the usual facades of despair: You can't count on Israeli stores to sell you decent merchandise (i.e., this happened because I made aliyah to Eretz Yisrael – a very big mitzvah!), why am I being punished for doing something You claim You WANT?, why does this kind of thing always happen to me? (even though it actually doesn't ALWAYS happen), and so on.

I managed to stop my anti-emuna thoughts (but not my disgruntled feelings), and brought it to a seamstress, who fixed it in a few days.

Then the mild annoyance was over and I've worn it ever since with no problem.

Falling Down into Defeat

What are other common thoughts of despair and anti-emuna in this kind of situation?

"See? It wasn't worth it after all."
"This just shows how needlessly extreme I can get about things."
"My former skirts were fine, especially compared to what most women wear. Why do I need to be such a fanatic?"
"Keeping Torah can cause so much aggravation."
"This is too much trouble. Just forget it. I'm going back to my old skirts, which weren't so bad compared to everyone else."
"This is a sign from God that I don't need to go to this extreme. I'm going back to my old skirts."

Just to be clear, we're talking about conforming to the actual halacha, so considering myself some kind of extremist is not logical thinking here.

Also, though it's scandalous to say it nowadays, tsnius (dressing & behaving with dignity & refinement) is one of those mitzvot that is good to enhance upon yourself. It really does open you up to receive more blessing.

And though, for some reason, people often overlook men's obligation of tsnius, Judaism also obligates men to pay attention to the dignity and refinement of their clothes.

True Motivations Revealed

Yet what if I'd decided to cast aside the new skirts?

What would I be saying?

I'd be saying that I don't REALLY care about dressing spiritually; I don't really care about the halacha.

If so, then maybe I just wanted to feel frum or halachically superior. Maybe I'd heard a particularly inspiring class on the importance of tsnius and gotten all enthused about the merits promised, but not enough to really keep up the proper standards.

Maybe my desire for more tsnius skirts was just fleeting inspiration, not a reflection of my heart's desire.

If you really want something, if it's REALLY important to you and you're sincere about it, then you keep going with it – even when it proves difficult or inconvenient.

And in much bigger things than skirts, sometimes Hashem withholds fulfillment of a request because you need more prayer and chesbon hanefesh to be really ready for it.

When You're Just Not Ready - Yet

This is a bit harsh to say, but I can't help having seen people who were so desperate for a spouse or children...

...yet when they finally got what they yearned and davened for so long, they themselves ended up being a worse spouse or parent than average. It's sort of sad for their spouse or children that they got what they asked for.

(Not everyone who yearns for marriage or parenthood. But some – and it's really startling to see it.)

Yes, even after all that desperate pleading, they don't really appreciate what they have or what they need to do to keep it up. It's a certain lack of gratitude, no?

I've also seen singles and childless couples who, based on the unrealistic demands and expectations they express, are clearly not ready for marriage or children. Their ego-desires control them (and may Hashem protect the people who marry or are born to such people).

Conversely, it's also true that people who marry or desire children for all the wrong reasons often get a spouse or a baby right away.

It's seems like a big chessed, but in some ways, it's not.

Some people benefit from waiting and refining themselves in the meantime.

As mentioned in previous posts, Hashem sometimes desires to save a person from him- or herself, and so withholds the object of their desire until they are ready (or, at least, until they are more ready).

Having said all that, of course we also see people who seem so ready for what they want. And when they finally get it, you see they were ready all that time.

So why Hashem doesn't give it to them.

Clearly, there is so much we don't know and we cannot perceive.

The point is that there are reasons for not fulfilling our requests right away.

Sometimes, we aren't ready.

Sometimes, the delay occurs for other reasons (including many not mentioned here).

"Good" Often Doesn't Feel Good

There are some very good (good by Torah-definition) things I crave right now, yet Hashem is saying no – or rather, not yet.

And for some of those very good things, the answer has apparently been "no" or "not yet" for a long, long time.

And with a couple of those very good things, the answer ended up being "no, not at all" for a long time, then "no, not really" for a while. And then, "We-e-e-ll, I guess you can have a bit of it."

I know there's more work to do before I can merit them.

When I discussed it with Hashem, He let me know what was holding me back regarding one thing I've requested for years. And it's a tall order. But I see His point and with my limited understanding, I even agree.

Yet other things – really good things, according to the Torah – aren't being given (yet). And I don't see why.

I don't like it. But as always, there is so much we neither know nor understand.

And that's exactly how it's supposed to be.

It's good.

It doesn't feel good.

But nonetheless, it's still good.

How Effort, Prayer, and Ratzon Prove More Important than Innate Ability

5/8/2026

The Torah world knew Rav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman as a tremendous talmid chacham, an undefeatable activist for Torah education for both males and females, and a tremendous ohev Yisrael.

At one point, a young man wished to learn with him as a set chevruta. Observing the young man's untiring devotion (hasmadah) to learning Torah, Rav Kahaneman agreed.

After several learning sessions together, Rav Kahaneman realized the young man lagged behind Rav Kahaneman in his skills.

(It's not clear whether the young man was actually mediocre in learning or whether he simply lacked the very high level of Rav Kahaneman.)

Uncomfortably, Rav Kahaneman realized he could not continue learning like this. It held him back too much.

So reluctantly and with his characteristic sensitivity, Rav Kahaneman let the young man know they could no longer continue learning together and Rav Kahaneman gently explained why, while also praising the young man's devotion to learning and his piety.

On Shabbat night, as Rav Kahaneman sat learning in the women's section near a well-lit candle, he heard someone approach the Aron Hakodesh and start praying with tears.

Rav Kanhaneman crept over to see who it was – maybe he could help?

To his surprise, he saw the young man he rejected as his chevruta. The young man wept and wept while explaining to Hashem that he was not talented or naturally skilled enough to keep his excellent chevruta (Rav Kahaneman), but begged Hashem to grant him a top-notch chevruta, nonetheless.

The young man explained to Hashem how badly he wished to advance and improve in learning, and learning with such a kind-hearted and talented chevruta seemed the best way to achieve this.

The young man continued like this for a while, weeping, explaining, and pleading with Hashem.

Deeply moved by this, Rav Kahaneman decided to rescind his decision.

On the first day of the week, Rav Hakaneman approached the young man and told him that upon further consideration, he decided he'd love to continue the chevruta.

And so it was.

Who was It?

Rav Kahaneman repeated this story over the years, always careful never to even hint at the young man's identity.

But one day, someone close to Rav Kahaneman found out (I think after Rav Kahaneman already passed way).

The name of the young man?

Rav Elchanan Wasserman.

Rav Elchanan Wasserman (1874-1941) stood out in that generation as a tremendous Torah scholar, a powerful mind, and a courageous heart that loved Hashem, Torah, and Am Yisrael with total devotion.

He was seen as the successor to the Chafetz Chaim.

He died to both give comfort and to save what he could of Am Yisrael by knowingly leaving America and going back to Europe, with the full knowledge of the genocide in progress there, the terrible conditions, and the inescapable danger.

Yet again, we came across another story of a Jew who lacked certain innate talent, but managed to achieve some of the highest levels possible solely through ratzon (desire) and tefillah (pray).

Ultimately, being born with "the right stuff" doesn't count nearly as much as the desire and the struggle to surpass one's inborn limitations.

And part of the ratzon and the struggle means partnering with Hashem.

For more details about Rav Elchanan Bunim Wasserman:
Rabbi Elchanan Bunim Wasserman

Rom's Big Beautiful Tattoo-Removal

4/8/2026

One of the most h0rrific events on holy soil catapulted Rom Braslavski into the Nation's heart.

Rom stands out as one of the former hostαges of the Pαlestinian Islαmic Jihαd terr0r organization (eg., NOT Hαmαs – just for anyone who believes the universal media propaganda of "If we just get rid of Hαmαs, then Gaza will automatically develop into a civilized culture with sparkly unicorns, fairy glitter, and pink cotton candy – 'cause only Hamas is holding back Gazans from being all that...and more!").

And Rom has also been doing amazing teshuvah as a result.

He suffered h0rrific treatment in inhumαne captivity after terr0rists αbducted him from the infαmous Novα party.

As one part of the party's security team, Rom had a chance to escape, but decided to stay and help the drug-addled party-goers who could not help themselves.

As he stated in an interview with Hidabroot:

"Some people were frothing at the mouth. I couldn't just leave them like that, with no way to flee or fend for themselves."

Baruch Hashem, Rom started on the path to teshuvah while suffering horribly at the hands of – NOT Hαmαs!!! – the Pαlestinian Islαmic Jihαd.

Recently, he posted a video (which I saw on Hidabroot Shorts in Hebrew, but probably originated on Rom's social media account) in which Rom announced his decision to remove the tattoo on his arm.

Rom starts out by quoting the Torah verse which forbids tattoos for Am Yisrael:

You shall not make cuts in your flesh for a person [who died].
You shall not etch a tattoo on yourselves.
I am the Lord.

Vayikra/Leviticus 19:28

Then Rom recites "Shema Yisrael."

He continues in his own words (my translation; sorry for any mistakes):

Today, I’m going to remove this disgusting thing from my body.

Yes, it’s a beautiful tattoo; it looks nice –

Sorry, I just have to interject here that every time people speak of "a beautiful tattoo," I always feel mystified.

Even in my most secular days, I never thought tattoos looked nice. And certainly not "beautiful" – just as I've never seen a beautiful wart, pimple, or skin tag.

But I get it that people who are into tattoos tend to find them attractive.

Anyway, back to Rom:

– but I because of this tattoo, I am going to suffer a lot in Gehinnom.

Therefore, I decided today, b’sha’ah tovah, to respond to the demand from HaKadosh Baruch Hu [the Holy One Blessed be He].

And I actually received the opportunity and the motivation to remove this tattoo.

And I’m going to do it big-time!

This tattoo is not going to remain on my body.

And I'll let you know how much it REALLY hurt and all that.

B’sha’ah tovah, we made it to this state of freedom – and I’m free to remove this tattoo.

I remember in my captivity by the terrorists, may their names be erased, I said to them, "Now, give me fire. Make a bonfire and I’ll put my arm inside and burn the tattoo to show the HaKadosh Baruch Hu how far I’m willing to go in my emunah for Him" – and how much it really disturbs me that I did a sin when the Torah says that it’s forbidden to get tattoos.

HaKadosh Baruch Hu gave us a clean and beautiful body and we’ll return it, b’ezrat Hashem, beautiful and clean at the entrance to Gan Eden.

Thank you very much Hashem our God for the merit of removing this tattoo.

Here is Hesarnu*...

*"Hesarnu" means "We removed (it)." "Hesarnu" is also the name of one of the places that removes tattoos and permanent makeup in Eretz Yisrael.

Rom, the Reality of Tattoo-Removal, and Teshuvah

I bet you and I were thinking the same thing when he said, "because of this tattoo, I am going to suffer a lot in Gehinnom."

Possibly, we thought something along the lines of:

But beloved temimusdig Rom, didn't you already suffer a lot in Gehinnom? I mean, everything that happened from the H0rrific Invαsion from Gaza until you were finally freed...that sounds like a real Gehinnom!

Right?

Rom possesses a very beautiful temimus and humility. He did an interview with Hidabroot in Hebrew, and he came off as so sweet, yet so forthright at the same time.

Anyway, he also filmed himself getting the tattoo removed:

That's not the end of it.

It often takes more than one session to remove it completely.

But this looks like an excellent start.

Also, people often claim that removing the tattoo costs more than getting the tattoo.

But it ain't necessarily so.

At the Hesarnu's current prices, each removal session costs 100-900 NIS.

The difficulty of removal depends on size, color (colored tattoos are harder to remove), age (older tattoos are easier to remove), and other factors.

Another young man who went to remove his tattoos stated that his tattoos cost around 3000 NIS. Removing them (small, black, and old) will cost a lot less.

A big yashar koach to Rom, who keeps going on with his personal path to teshuvah after suffering Gehinnom in This World, while also being honest about where he's holding in his journey.

If you'd like to continue to daven for Rom and his continued hatzlacha and bracha, his name in Rom ben Tamar Noa.

How Understanding the Lion Mazel of Av Brought Us to a Peaceful Conclusion, Baruch Hashem

3/8/2026

This post features some cheerful news and validation for how understanding the mazal of Tammuz (going sideways like a crab) and Av (acting aggressively like a lion) helps.

As described in a previous post (How Understanding the Lion Mazal of Av Creates Practical Help for a Regular, Flawed Person), we started to encounter hostile and passive-aggressive behavior from a neighbor for the first time in the 14 years we've known him and his lovely family.

(It started at the end of Tammuz and continued into the first nine days of Av.)

He always displayed perfect derech eretz and even humility.

And all of the sudden, he's upset with my husband (and other neighbors) for not signing permission to build a bunch of new rental units.

(Just for knowing, we all have excellent reasons for not agreeing to this.)

After my husband reviewed the Kli Yakar on Parshat Devarim, he looked up at me and said, "I'm pushing this off until after Av. That's the best way to handle it."

It seemed unlikely to push it off that long, but certainly until after Tisha B'Av.

Historically, it seems like Av's aggressive-attacking mazal reaches its intensity during the days leading up to and including the Ninth and Tenth of Av.

On the other hand, the middle of the month, Tu B'Av (the Fifteenth of Av) signifies a softening of this lion mazal.

Sure enough, my husband met up with this neighbor after Shabbat, a few days after Tu B'Av, and they worked out everything to everyone's liking, including with the other neighbors.

Everyone also heard and understood the other person's side. Everyone heard about the other extenuating factors.

Compassion and good will came to the fore, along with fairness and consideration on both sides.

Everything is friendly again.

And it's important to forgive and forget, especially when dealing with a person who normally displays such fine character.

We all face "off" days and even "off" phases.

We can't always know what is plaguing someone in his or her life, and stresses them out to the point that they behave out-of-character.

And while commandments to give the benefit of the doubt, judge favorably, and love thy neighbor guide us to good behavior in not-such-good situations, understanding all the factors (like mazal influence) offer an added boost when you need it most.

And there's the happy ending (for now...until the actual noisy, vibrating construction starts, anyway, ha-ha...)

The Yahrtzeit of Rav Yaakov Culi of the Me'am Lo'ez is the 19th of Av

1/8/2026

The yahrtzeit of Rav Yaakov Culi, who started the Ladino masterpiece, Me'am Lo'ez, falls on the 19th of Av.

To read more about Rav Yaakov Culi and his masterpiece, please click here:
Exploring the Ladino Torah Anthology Known as the Me'am Lo'ez: Its Impact Yesterday & Its Benefit Today, Plus a Bit about Ladino & Why We'll Probably Never Know the Complete Original Content

Reading just the English translation of Rav Culi's elucidation of Parshat Beresheit and Noach displays his astounding knowledge of Torah, plus his unique ability to combine classic commentaries, different fields of science, Midrash, Jewish Law, illustrative anecdotes, and much more – all into one smooth-flowing and spellbinding narrative.

Unfortunately, I haven't managed to read the entire set yet – or even half.

If you can't manage to get the entire set, here's my personal opinion of what to prioritize, based on what I've read so far:

The Me'am Lo'ez on Parshat Beresheit is mind-blowing while Parshat Noach reads like an engrossing biography. These two parshas come together one volume, the first of the set.

Sefer Shoftim/Judges also provides captivating reading. I've read the Me'am Lo'ez on Shoftim numerous times. When I first read it, I knew nothing about the Shofet Ehud, and happily discovered a gripping story, in addition to the lessons it provides. It helps that the basic text itself contain many people's favorite stories in Tanach. The English-language translator and compiler, Rabbi Nathan Bushwick, did a stunning job, both in scholarship and readability.

Kohelet/Ecclesiastes also provides a wonderful read with interesting illustrative parables and true stories, in addition to many important lessons and a deeper understanding of the text.

I haven't read the Me'am Lo'ez on Megillas Esther in ages, but I remember what an strikingly positive impression it made on me years ago, one of the first Torah books I read on my journey to frumkeit.

Additionally, they extracted the Me'am Lo'ez Pesach Hagaddah from his elucidation on Sefer Shemot and in addition to providing a wonderful understanding of the Hagaddah, it's introduction contains important halachot and a slice-of-life glimpse of Jewish life in the 1600s-1700s.

(For more on that, please see: Pesach in the 1600s-1700s vs. Pesach Today.)

Finally, they published the Me'am Lo'ez for Tisha B'Av, which contains many important halachot, plus the fascinatingly detailed story of the Destruction of the Second Beit HaMikdash and what led up to it.

You can ask your local Jewish bookstore to order individual books from the set or you can order online.

In English (and some in Spanish and Russian, and a newly revised design of the entire set in Hebrew), Moznaim publishes this incredible anthology:
https://moznaim.com/collections/meam-loez

Please light a candle l'ilui nishmat Rav Yaakov ben Rav Machir.

For more posts and a bit of learning from the Me'am Lo'ez, please click here:
Me'am Lo'ez

<<Previous