Gradually, we start to feel like we're just going through the motions.
All that felt exciting before starts to feel dry.
The shine and sparkle dulls.
At that point, people wonder how they can get their initial enthusiasm "back."
Classes, books, and articles exist to address this issue of getting "it" back.
I also always considered it a matter of going "back" or getting those feelings "back"...to somehow return to that ideal place.
Back, back, back — how many times do we hear (both others and ourselves) speak wistfully somehow backpedaling to return to the lovely place we were in our spiritual journey?
But several weeks ago, I discovered that dry feeling don't mean we need to go "back."
It means we need to go even farther forward.
It's not about re-claiming a level — it's about obtaining a whole new level...claiming a level you've never reached before.
A dry spell of lackluster observance doesn't signify a descent — it means you've gone UP in your spiritual journey.
In other words, it's a sign of elevation.
Paradoxically, rather than seeking to go back, you need to climb upwards and forwards.
Here's the details of this spiritual phenomenon from Rav Itamar Schwartz of Bilvavi:
But another kind of pleasure is when it’s “stolen pleasure,” as in the verse “Stolen waters are sweet,” and this is a pleasure of connecting to something that’s not really for you.
Either it can be stolen in the simple sense, which is when one takes something that doesn’t belong to him and then he enjoys what’s not his, or, on a deeper level, a person will enjoy something that’s beyond his current level.
Think about it. He's full of sins and likely has little or no connection with God, and still craves whatever he usually craves...but somehow, he's able to connect with the essence of Shabbat.
In such cases, a secular Jew may enjoy Shabbat much more than his religious hosts.
Most of us explain that in terms of "new."
It's new and fresh for the Jew experiencing it for the first time, while his hosts, though they enjoy it, don't usually feel the same magic as the Jew experiencing it for the first few times.
Yet the real reason for his extreme pleasure and their milder pleasure runs much deeper.
The deeper reason is because Shabbat is so beyond the secular Jew's present level, it's not really for him and therefore, it's "stolen" pleasure — as the rav explains.
Why the metaphor of "waters"?
He goes on to say:
When a person is connecting to a world that’s above his current level, he is enjoying “stolen waters” in the sense that he is receiving pleasure from a world that’s completely above him.
***
The Gemara says, “Water leaves from a high place, descends to a low place.”
So spiritually speaking, the pleasure experienced from "stolen waters" results from the pleasure flowing from a higher place to a lower place.
(This likely also explains the fascination with Kabbalah for so many people, including those who either aren't so religious or aren't even Jewish. Kabbalistic ideas emanate from such a high place, they end up in the category of "stolen waters" for almost everyone.)
Rav Schwartz then describes a dynamic most of us have experienced:
This is really a pleasure that comes from connecting to something that isn’t meant to be part of your personal share, so it is like “stolen waters are sweet,” where one rises to a place that isn’t his and he gets enjoyment from this.
***
One of the tzaddikim said that, “There is pleasure in the beginning of chassidus (piety and devotion to Hashem), but there is no pleasure as one continues chassidus.”
Why is it that way?
When one is beginning to enter into chassidus, he is trying to enter into a more spiritual realm of existence, and he gets pleasure in this as he connects to a higher level.
But later, when he has indeed risen to a higher level, he no longer gets pleasure from it [it becomes the ‘norm’ for him].
Similarly, Rav Dessler wrote of two concepts called hasagah (becoming or attaining) and havayah (being), where he explains a very fundamental point, how hasagah is when a person tries to connect to a level above him and to reach and perceive it, while havayah is about being connected to a level that already belongs to your personal share.
- hasagah — connection to a level above your present level
- havayah — connection to the level where you presently belong
Rav Schwartz concludes with:
...in the terms of Rav Dessler it means that one is found at the level of hasagah and not at havayah, for if the person would be found at havayah then it’s truly his place and he wouldn’t get pleasure from connecting to there.
When one is truly found there, when it is suitable to him, he doesn’t get pleasure from there.
You Don't Need to Go "Back" – You Need to Go Forward
When your Judaism starts to feel dry, it is NOT a sign that something's wrong with you.
On the contrary...it means you've made it!
This also seems true for those born into Torah Judaism, who feel they do mitzvot by rote.
They reached a certain level from a young age because they were born into it.
They just need to reach beyond that level in order to find the sweetness they lack.
So feeling dry or uninspired does not mean you need to go "back" or return to the place you were.
It means you need to stretch even higher to reach new place of "stolen waters," which hover even further beyond the initial "stolen waters" you originally accessed.
https://bilvavi.net/back-issues/eng/Bilvavi_281_Mishpatim_Prestige_5783.pdf