I once read about an elderly frum Jewish lady in a nice frum facility for the elderly.
Her children and grandchildren visited her on a daily basis.
Once, her daughter came in to the lady's room and found the elderly woman dressed nicely and wearing her shaitel while scrabbling on the floor, trying to get at something under the bed.
The elderly lady's face lit up when she saw her daughter and said something like, "Oh, hello there! I accidentally knocked over my perfume bottle and I think it rolled under the bed."
The daughter quickly scrambled to retrieve the wayward perfume bottle and handed it to her smiling mother, asking her why she needed her perfume so urgently.
The elderly woman replied, "I'm about to daven Shemoneh Esrei (the Silent Standing Prayer)."
The daughter didn't understand until the elderly lady explained she always got dressed up and put on perfume before davening Shemoneh Esrei.
Never having heard of this, her mother's reply took the daughter by surprise.
The mother just smiled.
I never heard of this either.
What's going on?
Her children and grandchildren visited her on a daily basis.
Once, her daughter came in to the lady's room and found the elderly woman dressed nicely and wearing her shaitel while scrabbling on the floor, trying to get at something under the bed.
The elderly lady's face lit up when she saw her daughter and said something like, "Oh, hello there! I accidentally knocked over my perfume bottle and I think it rolled under the bed."
The daughter quickly scrambled to retrieve the wayward perfume bottle and handed it to her smiling mother, asking her why she needed her perfume so urgently.
The elderly woman replied, "I'm about to daven Shemoneh Esrei (the Silent Standing Prayer)."
The daughter didn't understand until the elderly lady explained she always got dressed up and put on perfume before davening Shemoneh Esrei.
Never having heard of this, her mother's reply took the daughter by surprise.
The mother just smiled.
I never heard of this either.
What's going on?
Acting from One's True Heart's Desire
This kind of preparation prior to davening Shemoneh Esrei can only derive from a feeling of palpable closeness with and love for Hashem.
Now, if one heard and understood this story on a superficial level, one might feel like, "Oh, it's mehudar to get dressed up and put on perfume to daven Shemoneh Esrei."
Or one might feel, "Yet another chumrah, a stringency? And if I don't do it, then I'm not really fulfilling the mitzvah as I should?"
And yet another somewhat lower-level person might see it as an opportunity to show off how frum they are by dressing up and perfuming themselves before Shemoneh Esrei.
But that all misses the entire point.
The elderly lady wasn't looking for chumros or to show off or to feel self-righteously frummer than frum.
She's all by herself in her room, yet when she davens Shemoneh Esrei, she really feels she stands before Hashem, her loving God, King, Father, Life Partner, and Best Friend.
A relationship is a two-way dynamic.
This woman deeply loved and felt deeply loved by Hashem.
She feels excited to get dressed up and perfumed, like a person anticipating a happy event which calls for dressier clothing and the like.
And while the perfume aspect might seem strange – after all, the laws of modesty expect Jewish women to tone down their perfume around men – Hashem isn't just Malkeinu (our King). He's also Avinu (our Father). And in Shir HaShirim and Nevi'im (Prophets), we frequently encounter the allegorical relationship between Hashem and Am Yisrael as one of a forgiving and loving husband toward his beloved, albeit sometimes wayward wife.
So yeah, perfume fits.
Now, if one heard and understood this story on a superficial level, one might feel like, "Oh, it's mehudar to get dressed up and put on perfume to daven Shemoneh Esrei."
Or one might feel, "Yet another chumrah, a stringency? And if I don't do it, then I'm not really fulfilling the mitzvah as I should?"
And yet another somewhat lower-level person might see it as an opportunity to show off how frum they are by dressing up and perfuming themselves before Shemoneh Esrei.
But that all misses the entire point.
The elderly lady wasn't looking for chumros or to show off or to feel self-righteously frummer than frum.
She's all by herself in her room, yet when she davens Shemoneh Esrei, she really feels she stands before Hashem, her loving God, King, Father, Life Partner, and Best Friend.
A relationship is a two-way dynamic.
This woman deeply loved and felt deeply loved by Hashem.
She feels excited to get dressed up and perfumed, like a person anticipating a happy event which calls for dressier clothing and the like.
And while the perfume aspect might seem strange – after all, the laws of modesty expect Jewish women to tone down their perfume around men – Hashem isn't just Malkeinu (our King). He's also Avinu (our Father). And in Shir HaShirim and Nevi'im (Prophets), we frequently encounter the allegorical relationship between Hashem and Am Yisrael as one of a forgiving and loving husband toward his beloved, albeit sometimes wayward wife.
So yeah, perfume fits.
How Does Your Own Unique Neshamah Express Its Connection to Hashem?
This comes as yet another example of someone acting out of deep love and awareness and connection to Hashem – a very happy and comforting connection and awareness.
Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender recommended people speak to Hashem in their own words as if speaking to one's Best Friend in the whole world, who only wants their good, is always ready to forgive them, and can actually help them with whatever they need.
(Please see here for more: What Should You Chat about with Hashem?)
Misunderstanding these responses and viewing them only from a superficial angle harms our own ruchnius, spirituality.
Certainly, if a woman decides to take an example for herself from the above story and get dressed up and perfumed before Shemoneh Esrei at home, then that's a very nice thing.
She'll receive reward for efforts, especially if she adopts the cheerful attitude of: "What a great idea! I want to do that too!"
Not a holier-than-thou attitude and not a heavy attitude or mindlessly piling on stringencies.
But just one's only response from feeling the right kind of connection with Hashem.
And that's what these stories should teach us.
That is the lesson we need to glean from these stories:
To deepen and manifest a palpable connection with Hashem (in which we both feel our own love for Him AND feel loved by Him), then follow what naturally emanates from that, each according to his or her own unique neshamah.
Rav Levi Yitzchak Bender recommended people speak to Hashem in their own words as if speaking to one's Best Friend in the whole world, who only wants their good, is always ready to forgive them, and can actually help them with whatever they need.
(Please see here for more: What Should You Chat about with Hashem?)
Misunderstanding these responses and viewing them only from a superficial angle harms our own ruchnius, spirituality.
Certainly, if a woman decides to take an example for herself from the above story and get dressed up and perfumed before Shemoneh Esrei at home, then that's a very nice thing.
She'll receive reward for efforts, especially if she adopts the cheerful attitude of: "What a great idea! I want to do that too!"
Not a holier-than-thou attitude and not a heavy attitude or mindlessly piling on stringencies.
But just one's only response from feeling the right kind of connection with Hashem.
And that's what these stories should teach us.
That is the lesson we need to glean from these stories:
To deepen and manifest a palpable connection with Hashem (in which we both feel our own love for Him AND feel loved by Him), then follow what naturally emanates from that, each according to his or her own unique neshamah.
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